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新的大型单机游戏

新的大型单机游戏>>Nadia Bokody knows a lot about faking it in the bedroom. Picture: SuppliedSource:Supplied“That was amazing …” I sigh triumphantly, nuzzling my head into my partner’s sweaty chest. He2019;s giddy with post-coital dopamine and self-admiration at his efforts satisfying me.I don2019;t have the heart to tell him he2019;d never actually given me an orgasm. Not once.Like most of the women I know, I feel quietly confident I could win an Academy Award for all the convincing orgasms I2019;ve faked.201C;Well, my wife has never faked it. I2019;d know.201D;That2019;s the typical response I get from men every time I write about this topic.201C;You obviously haven2019;t met me. I can give any woman multiple orgasms,201D; is another popular one.In fact, if you were to read the comments section of just about anything I2019;ve written on the female orgasm, you2019;d be convinced womankind are one very sexually satisfied bunch.Unfortunately, research paints a far more depressing picture. Studies estimate at least one third of women experience pain during sex, while a report in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour shows only 65 per cent of us usually orgasm from it (compared with 95 per cent of men).And that2019;s really just the tip of the sexual inequality iceberg. Because men and women have vastly different interpretations of what actually classifies as 201C;good201D; and 201C;bad201D; sex in the first place.Think your partner has never faked it? She has. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedMen tend to define bad sex as passive or boring: 201C;She just lay there like a starfish.201D; For women, the bar is considerably lower. Accounts of 201C;bad sex201D; I hear from girlfriends include words like 201C;pain201D;, 201C;pressure201D; and 201C;violation201D;.Conversely, 201C;good201D; sex is typically described by men in terms of the quality of their orgasm, while for women, it2019;s defined as the absence of pain.This gaping disparity is known as 201C;relative deprivation201D; 2014; a psychological phenomenon in which a subjugated group is essentially conditioned to expect substantially less than their privileged counterparts.And it2019;s notable because in order to understand why women routinely fake sexual pleasure, we need to first acknowledge that we2019;ve created a culture that minimises and dismisses female pain.From their first sexual experience, young women are told to expect discomfort as a part of sex 2014; that 201C;losing your virginity will probably hurt201D;. The subtext being we should grit our teeth and get on with it.We2019;re taught to submit our bodies to suffocating shapewear, age-erasing needles and tendon-deforming heels. That, if we go braless and barefaced, we2019;ll be viewed as less professional at work and less desirable on the dating scene. Despite men achieving both these feats while dressing for comfort.Nadia spent years 'faking it' with her partner. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedOn average, we wait longer to be treated in the emergency room, are given effective pain relief less often and classified as 201C;less urgent201D; than male patients.And while you2019;ll find 24,675 PubMed research papers on erectile dysfunction, you2019;ll get just one fifth of that on dyspareunia 2014; the acute pain around 20 per cent of women experience during sex.Women don2019;t pretend to enjoy bad sex because we2019;re liars. We do it because it2019;s never occurred to us our comfort matters to anyone.When you2019;ve spent your entire life acclimatising yourself to physical discomfort in order to please others, it makes sense your orgasm is going to fall to the bottom of the priority list.Experts 2014; typically male 2014; like to argue lack of female sexual pleasure stems from biology; that we2019;re just not wired to enjoy it like men do. This is embedded in the tired idea women exchange sex for fidelity rather than, you know, actual enjoyment.But there2019;s little scientific backing to this theory. While most women take up to 20 minutes to climax during sex, when we masturbate, it2019;s just four 2014; the same amount of time it takes men.Indeed, the issue isn2019;t that we2019;re incapable of enjoying sex (quite the contrary, most of the women I know masturbate frequently), it2019;s that we2019;ve been taught to prioritise the male orgasm at all costs.Feigning pleasure is a cost-effective strategy for women. It brings discomfort and pain to a speedier finish, spares our partner2019;s ego and earns us a metaphorical gold star in the job we2019;ve been trained to perform since we were girls: pleasing men.It2019;s tempting to place the burden of responsibility on your female partner for faking it. To assert that, actually, it2019;s not your job to read her mind, and if she wasn2019;t enjoying it, she should have piped up sooner. Male readers often email me with this very grievance: 201C;My wife can talk my ear off all day. Why does she go silent when it comes to sex? It makes no sense.201D;But the truth is, it makes perfect sense.It2019;s completely logical why a woman 2014; who will spend on average seven years in debilitating pain being dismissed by doctors before receiving a diagnosis of endometriosis 2014; wouldn2019;t ask for what she wants during sex.Women have been taught to prioritise the male orgasm at all costs. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedI stopped lying about my own sexual pleasure after my marriage broke down. Call it a quarter-life crisis, but it finally dawned on me after shedding my title as a wife, I didn2019;t have to stick with something that was causing me pain.These days, if the sex with my boyfriend is sub par, I2019;ll nuzzle into his chest afterwards and softly say, 201C;I love you, but that didn2019;t do it for me. Next time can we try something different?201D;It still feels unnatural, but I push through the discomfort anyway because, as it turns out, it2019;s far less painful than faking it.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyle

新的大型单机游戏

The UK Court of Protection ruled sex is a ‘fundamental human right’.Source:Getty ImagesA UK court has ruled that an intellectually disabled man who does not understand consent must be allowed to pursue relationships despite posing a “moderate risk” of raping women.The Court of Protection, which hears financial and welfare matters for people who lack the mental capacity to make decisions, said restrictions on the man2019;s ability to socialise freely should be lifted because sex is a 201C;fundamental human right201D;.The 36-year-old, referred to only as JB, has a complex diagnosis of autism with impaired cognition. He has never been charged with a criminal offence but, due to his sexually inappropriate behaviour towards women, has been living in a supported residential placement under a comprehensive care plan since 2014.The plan 201C;imposes significant limitations on his ability to function independently201D; with 201C;restrictions on his access to the local community where he lives, his contact with third parties, and his access to social media and the internet201D;.201C;The primary thrust of the evidence is that JB lacks the insight or ability to communicate appropriately with women to whom he is attracted,201D; Justice Roberts said in the September 17 judgment.201C;On occasions his advances have lacked appropriate social inhibition and 2026; there is a concern that his behaviour, if unrestrained, may result in his exposure to the criminal justice system and risk to potentially vulnerable females.201D;JB, represented by a government solicitor, challenged the care plan as infringing on his human rights. 201C;Throughout the course of this litigation, JB has made it very plain that he desperately wants to find a girlfriend with whom he can develop and maintain a relationship,201D; Justice Roberts said.201C;He is anxious to have a sexual partner and believes that the current restrictions represent an unfair and unwarranted interference in his basic rights to a private and family life.201D;His local authority wanted the care plan to stay in place, arguing it was the court2019;s responsibility to protect JB from 201C;committing a criminal offence for which he could be imprisoned201D;.A clinical psychologist prepared a report that concluded JB 201C;represented a moderate risk of sexual offending to women201D;.201C;Based on descriptions of his previous and ongoing behaviours, this is most likely to take the form of sexual harassment through the form of repeated, unwanted sexually explicit messages to females whose numbers he has obtained or whom he contacts through social media or dating sites,201D; she wrote.201C;JB has also been observed to have limited social boundaries around women, particularly those who are vulnerable but also women in pubs or clubs whom he has approached while dancing. Additionally he acknowledges not being able to judge women2019;s reactions to him and that he is unwilling to directly ask for clarification of these issues.201D;She added, 201C;In these and similar situations the risk is of JB sexually touching these women without consent. In terms of vulnerable women who do not have the capacity to consent to sexual relations, there is a risk of JB not recognising or respecting this fact, resulting in the potential for rape to occur.201D;Justice Roberts ruled, however, that requiring JB to demonstrate a 201C;full appreciation of both his own and a partner2019;s of consent201D; would be discriminatory because it would 201C;impose on him a burden which a capacitous individual may not share201D;.She said lacking that knowledge might expose JB to the risk of criminal prosecution but that he was 201C;entitled to make the same mistakes which all human beings can, and do, make in the course of a lifetime201D;.201C;A decision to engage in sexual relations 2026; is a primal expression of our humanity and existence as sexual beings. It is an essential part of our basic DNA as reproductive human beings,201D; she said.201C;Sexual relations form a fundamental aspect of our humanity, common to all regardless of whether an individual suffers from some impairment of the mind. The whole process of decision-making in this context 2013; even in the case of persons of full capacity 2013; is 2018;largely visceral rather than cerebral, owing more to instinct and emotion than to analysis2019;.201D;She added, 201C;In my judgment, to argue that a full and complete understanding of consent (in terms recognised by the criminal law) is an essential component of capacity to have sexual relations is to confuse the nature or character of a sexual act with its lawfulness.201D;frank.chung@news.com.autrending in lifestyleCoffee or orgasm — and why do we have to choose? Picture: iStockSource:istockI have to start by telling you, I love coffee. I don2019;t have many vices left in my life 2014; I don2019;t drink a lot, I don2019;t eat sugar and I don2019;t take drugs 2014; but I start every day with a good coffee.Then I follow up with another one or two during the day. It feels like a sweet treat, so it2019;s basically an excuse to have multiple desserts each and every day.For more stories like this, go to whimn.com.au. Desserts that give me the pep I need to rip into my day and battle the persistent fatigue that has plagued me since I became a working mother.But when a sex therapist I know recommended that starting my day with an orgasm instead of a coffee was a great idea, I have to admit I was curious. An orgasm is a better way to start your day, apparently, because it gives you a shot of oxytocin (the love hormone, as Bachelor Matt knows) 2014; and it doesn2019;t come with a side of anxiety like coffee can.RELATED: 2018;I masturbated every day for a week to help my anxiety2019;RELATED: Can we talk about the near orgasm on The Bachelor last night?Chelsie gave Matt the gift of oxytocin without making him give up coffee. Picture: Channel 10Source:Channel 10RELATED: An open letter to Australian women on orgasmsSo I decided to try it for a week to see if orgasms are indeed a better morning option than coffee. I put my body on the line in the name of science 2014; you2019;re welcome.DAY ONE I am instantly aware this experiment isn2019;t going to be as easy as I thought. I work from home so I figured, if my partner isn2019;t around, I can give myself a good seeing to whenever I like. What I hadn2019;t factored in was that my children would be running all over the house, needing help to get ready for school, and I had to get myself ready for a meeting just after I dropped them off. Opportunity for orgasms: zero. Consolation coffee: one. Then another one later that morning.DAY TWOI didn2019;t get enough sleep last night and my immediate inclination is to make myself a flat white to perk myself up, but I resist. I have carved out some extra time this morning to sort myself out so I find time and opportunity. There is something workmanlike about the process because it just feels so scheduled but I2019;m pleased to say I get it done.I go about my morning feeling pretty pleased with myself until a voice in my brain asks, 201C;Why couldn2019;t you have an orgasm AND a coffee?201D; That little girl from the hard and soft taco ads asking 201C;Porque no los todos?201D; taunts me.Later that morning I have a coffee meeting and I drink in that sweet bean like it2019;s the nectar of life itself. I also realise that although I can replace my morning coffee at home with an orgasm, there are circumstances where replacing coffee with an orgasm is inappropriate 2014; coffee meetings, at your desk at work, grabbing a takeaway on the train 2026; also coffee shops would have a distinctly different vibe if we just had places we all congregated to flood our systems with oxytocin.DAY THREEI hazily woke up and made myself a coffee on autopilot before my brain fully engaged. Halfway through drinking it I realised I should have been giving myself one instead. I shrugged and finished the coffee. It was delicious, so I had two more.RELATED: In praise of that delirious orgasm scene in 2018;When Harry Met Sally2019;RELATED: Are clitoral orgasms the McDonalds of the sexual world?Coffee makes me happy — is that a crime? Picture: praisaeng/iStock via Getty.Source:Getty ImagesRELATED: 2018;Being raised feminist helps me enjoy sex2019;DAY FOURI realise at this point things aren2019;t going as well as I thought they would. I assumed I2019;d be having all the morning sex and would be positively glowing by this stage, but instead I2019;m grumpy and conscious of what I2019;m missing rather than what I might be gaining. I get things done this morning and I skip my morning coffee but my heart isn2019;t in it. If I was anyone else I2019;d be offended by my lack of attentiveness.DAY FIVEI decided to try a change of attitude 2014; rather than thinking about what I was losing (that sweet, sweet bean), I thought about what I was gaining 2014; a chance to take time out and prioritise pure pleasure for myself each and every day. For the first time, I felt excited and positive about the experiment. (This could also have something to do with the fact that my partner had arrived home from a work trip, so I had someone to play with 2014; he did have a coffee afterwards, which I tried not to take as a personal affront).I also had enough sleep the night before so I started the day feeling rested and full of all the happy. Day five = success!DAYS SIX AND SEVENThe final leg of the experiment was the weekend, which gave me more time and opportunity to make things happen. I took a leisurely approach and had a very nice time, thank you very much. I2019;d like to say I didn2019;t miss coffee but I2019;d be lying. Having said that, by the end of the experiment I found that I was feeling great for the same reason you might feel good about meditating or exercising 2014; I was taking time out each and every day to do something that would make me feel good.DAY EIGHT Woke up, had coffee.Does the type of coffee you drink affect the type of orgasm you should replace it with? Picture: iStockSource:istockOkay so as great as a morning orgasm is 2014; and there2019;s no arguing against that 2014; it can be tough to fit it in if you have a busy morning schedule. And I also can2019;t see a reason why I have to choose one over the other.I roped some friends in to try out this theory too (from the comfort of their own homes), and they were perhaps more into it than me.Jen pointed out that the type of coffee one drinks might directly affect the type of orgasm you go for. She has a stove top coffee maker she purchased on a recent trip to Italy, which she said lends itself to a more thorough seeing to.RELATED: We need to talk about sexual guilt RELATED: 2018;I went on an orgasm cleanse and wow2019; RELATED: Is there such a thing as 2018;too much2019; masturbation?201C;It needs careful preparation,201D; she mused. 201C;It starts off cold. Slowly warms up, starts to make a little noise. Starts steaming, gets a little louder.201C;Gets really steamy, builds to a beautiful sounding crescendo and then falls silent. I then hold the cup close, yearningly drink it in, slowly enjoying the taste and smell and let it ooze through my whole body 2026; I2019;m smiling and ready for my day. 201C;I just wonder if people doing a NescafE9; instant have the same experience.201D;Bianca tried it for a weekend and confirmed her mind felt 201C;alive201D; on the Saturday but she couldn2019;t get herself there on the Sunday. This is a problem you never have with coffee.Amanda said her act of self love took the edge of the need for caffeine 2014; and that her post-orgasm cup of tea felt 201C;more relaxed than desperately needed201D;.And Emma, who also works from home, came out as a closet orgasm guru, admitting she2019;s been replacing her coffee with orgasms for years.201C;Sometimes I take my 2018;coffee break2019; in the midmorning or afternoon,201D; she said. 201C;So instead of having a coffee as a pick-me-up, I have an orgasm. That might be an afternoon delight with my partner or with the help of my very pretty purple vibrator. It definitely clears my head, calms me down from the blah of a work day, and gives me a little pep in my step to go back to work.201D;We could all be a little more like Emma. But maybe after one more coffee.2014; Carloyn Tate is the Night Editor of whimn.com.au2014; This story originally appeared on whimn.com.au and is reproduced with permission trending in lifestyleNadia Bokody knows a lot about faking it in the bedroom. Picture: SuppliedSource:Supplied“That was amazing …” I sigh triumphantly, nuzzling my head into my partner’s sweaty chest. He2019;s giddy with post-coital dopamine and self-admiration at his efforts satisfying me.I don2019;t have the heart to tell him he2019;d never actually given me an orgasm. Not once.Like most of the women I know, I feel quietly confident I could win an Academy Award for all the convincing orgasms I2019;ve faked.201C;Well, my wife has never faked it. I2019;d know.201D;That2019;s the typical response I get from men every time I write about this topic.201C;You obviously haven2019;t met me. I can give any woman multiple orgasms,201D; is another popular one.In fact, if you were to read the comments section of just about anything I2019;ve written on the female orgasm, you2019;d be convinced womankind are one very sexually satisfied bunch.Unfortunately, research paints a far more depressing picture. Studies estimate at least one third of women experience pain during sex, while a report in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour shows only 65 per cent of us usually orgasm from it (compared with 95 per cent of men).And that2019;s really just the tip of the sexual inequality iceberg. Because men and women have vastly different interpretations of what actually classifies as 201C;good201D; and 201C;bad201D; sex in the first place.Think your partner has never faked it? She has. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedMen tend to define bad sex as passive or boring: 201C;She just lay there like a starfish.201D; For women, the bar is considerably lower. Accounts of 201C;bad sex201D; I hear from girlfriends include words like 201C;pain201D;, 201C;pressure201D; and 201C;violation201D;.Conversely, 201C;good201D; sex is typically described by men in terms of the quality of their orgasm, while for women, it2019;s defined as the absence of pain.This gaping disparity is known as 201C;relative deprivation201D; 2014; a psychological phenomenon in which a subjugated group is essentially conditioned to expect substantially less than their privileged counterparts.And it2019;s notable because in order to understand why women routinely fake sexual pleasure, we need to first acknowledge that we2019;ve created a culture that minimises and dismisses female pain.From their first sexual experience, young women are told to expect discomfort as a part of sex 2014; that 201C;losing your virginity will probably hurt201D;. The subtext being we should grit our teeth and get on with it.We2019;re taught to submit our bodies to suffocating shapewear, age-erasing needles and tendon-deforming heels. That, if we go braless and barefaced, we2019;ll be viewed as less professional at work and less desirable on the dating scene. Despite men achieving both these feats while dressing for comfort.Nadia spent years 'faking it' with her partner. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedOn average, we wait longer to be treated in the emergency room, are given effective pain relief less often and classified as 201C;less urgent201D; than male patients.And while you2019;ll find 24,675 PubMed research papers on erectile dysfunction, you2019;ll get just one fifth of that on dyspareunia 2014; the acute pain around 20 per cent of women experience during sex.Women don2019;t pretend to enjoy bad sex because we2019;re liars. We do it because it2019;s never occurred to us our comfort matters to anyone.When you2019;ve spent your entire life acclimatising yourself to physical discomfort in order to please others, it makes sense your orgasm is going to fall to the bottom of the priority list.Experts 2014; typically male 2014; like to argue lack of female sexual pleasure stems from biology; that we2019;re just not wired to enjoy it like men do. This is embedded in the tired idea women exchange sex for fidelity rather than, you know, actual enjoyment.But there2019;s little scientific backing to this theory. While most women take up to 20 minutes to climax during sex, when we masturbate, it2019;s just four 2014; the same amount of time it takes men.Indeed, the issue isn2019;t that we2019;re incapable of enjoying sex (quite the contrary, most of the women I know masturbate frequently), it2019;s that we2019;ve been taught to prioritise the male orgasm at all costs.Feigning pleasure is a cost-effective strategy for women. It brings discomfort and pain to a speedier finish, spares our partner2019;s ego and earns us a metaphorical gold star in the job we2019;ve been trained to perform since we were girls: pleasing men.It2019;s tempting to place the burden of responsibility on your female partner for faking it. To assert that, actually, it2019;s not your job to read her mind, and if she wasn2019;t enjoying it, she should have piped up sooner. Male readers often email me with this very grievance: 201C;My wife can talk my ear off all day. Why does she go silent when it comes to sex? It makes no sense.201D;But the truth is, it makes perfect sense.It2019;s completely logical why a woman 2014; who will spend on average seven years in debilitating pain being dismissed by doctors before receiving a diagnosis of endometriosis 2014; wouldn2019;t ask for what she wants during sex.Women have been taught to prioritise the male orgasm at all costs. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedI stopped lying about my own sexual pleasure after my marriage broke down. Call it a quarter-life crisis, but it finally dawned on me after shedding my title as a wife, I didn2019;t have to stick with something that was causing me pain.These days, if the sex with my boyfriend is sub par, I2019;ll nuzzle into his chest afterwards and softly say, 201C;I love you, but that didn2019;t do it for me. Next time can we try something different?201D;It still feels unnatural, but I push through the discomfort anyway because, as it turns out, it2019;s far less painful than faking it.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyleUnicorns are the new attendees at swingers parties. Picture: iStockSource:istockAccording to fairy tales, unicorns are mythical creatures that everybody has heard of, but nobody has seen. In the swinging scene, unicorns are solo females who go to sex parties and swingers2019; clubs on their own. They arrive alone, they leave alone and just like their mythical counterparts, their scarcity makes them highly sought after.For more stories like this, go to whimn.com.auUnicorns admit that even people in the swinging community are surprised when a single female arrives by herself at a sex party.Lucy* is a mid-30s professional, who was married for 10 years.201C;I always wanted to explore things like swinging and pegging when I was married, but my husband wasn2019;t keen. When I got divorced, I met a guy on a dating site who was into the swinging community. He took me to a party and straight away I realised, these are my people, this is what I had been looking for, it was fantastic, I was hooked.201D;RELATED: The unglamorous reality of orgiesRELATED: 2018;I went to my first orgy and I loved it2019;Would you ever go to a swingers party as a single? Picture: iStockSource:istockRELATED: 2018;I2019;ve been polyamorous for nearly a decade 2014; here2019;s how I make it work2019;Lucy admits that her first sex party started just like any other party.201C;There were about 12 couples in a serviced apartment, there was Jatz and cheese and dips. People were standing around making small talk and having drinks, then after about half an hour, a couple of the girls yelled out 2018;let2019;s get started2019;. So a few couples moved to a bedroom and started getting it on with each other, then some more people joined in. By the end of the night, everyone was naked and having sex with each other201D;Since then Lucy has been a proud unicorn, going to sex clubs by herself or being the third wheel in threesomes. 201C;It2019;s just more exciting by yourself, you don2019;t have to worry about what your partner2019;s doing if they2019;re happy or being taken care of. It2019;s great to be able to pick and choose who I play with and who plays with me. Being a unicorn I always make sure I play with the hottest couple201D;.201C;A lot of people comment that it must be really empowering walking into a room where everybody wants you, buts its actually the other way around, I do it because I am empowered. It2019;s something that I enjoy doing and I have enough confidence and I2019;m comfortable enough to be able to put myself out there201D; Lucy added.Samantha Jones would absolutely be a unicorn. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedLouise* also considers herself a unicorn even though she is still married. 201C;About ten years ago, I found myself alone as a single mum with two young children as my partner travelled overseas for work nine months of the year. My sex life was restricted to watching porn and using a vibrator when the children slept. I didn2019;t want to get into the complexities of having an affair, but I missed the adult company. My partner suggested I go to a sex club as we both agreed it was safer emotionally and physically.201D;RELATED: Diary of a young married swingerRELATED: Meet the swingers teaching us how to have better sexRELATED: 2018;I broke the one rule of being a swinger2019;It2019;s not just guys that Louise is attracted to when she goes out alone 201C;I am polysexual, so I am attracted to people rather than a specific sex. If I am playing with a couple, it doesn2019;t matter how nice he is, I have to connect with her as well. If I2019;m playing with a single guy, then he can2019;t take himself too seriously, make me laugh and make me feel like I2019;m the only woman in the room, and you2019;re halfway there. Sometimes for fun, I will see a couple playing together and if I catch her eye and I can see she is interested, I will just walk up and start kissing her. His reaction is usually jaw-dropping, especially if they are new to the scene.201D;Even though Louise loves being a unicorn, she doesn2019;t always fly solo. 201C;I have more interaction as a solo. As soon as couples and other singles notice I2019;m solo they come and say hi, but I don2019;t feel any pressure from the people I meet as I2019;m 100% in control. I also meet some awesome people and make great friends. Occasionally my husband will come along if I ask him. He loves the cuckold experience, so he is more likely to say yes if the event is not for couples only.201D;Louise admits that going to sex parties alone could be dangerous. 201C;I am very cautious. I arrive early and leave early. I don2019;t drink and I avoid people who drink excessively. I choose open playrooms unless I am with people I know. If someone is bothering me, I tell the staff. On the odd occasion, I2019;ve asked the staff to walk me to my car. The challenge for unicorns is a man being intoxicated and not understanding the word 2018;no,2019; and I find that it2019; most likely to happen after midnight, which is why I leave early.201D;Hallmark of any good swingers party. Picture: iStockSource:istockSo would Louise ever go back to a vanilla relationship? 201C;Yes, absolutely, I enjoy the community and I love being a unicorn with the full support of my partner. Without that support and encouragement, the magic wouldn2019;t exist and would likely be replaced by jealousy and there would be nothing sexy about that.201D;RELATED: 2018;What really happens at a polysex party2019;RELATED: Inside LA2019;s most exclusive sex partyRELATED: What really goes on at NY2019;s most exclusive sex party201C;The swinging community has taught me many things; Firstly confidence 2014; the perfect body doesn2019;t exist outside of magazines, so except mine, as it is, take it or leave it. Unicorns are unique within the community and I2019;ve enjoyed the confidence that has brought me. Secondly, never to expect others to know what I want or what I am into. I tell them what I want, how to do it and what I don2019;t want. I find they really appreciate this inside track and that way I avoid bad sex. Here2019;s an example 2014; my breasts are very sensitive. Treat them with care and I will get really turned on, start squeezing, prodding or chewing and I am going to want to flatten you and not have sex with you.201D;When Louise tells people she is a Unicorn, it usually comes with a lot of misconceptions and judgment, 201C;People think we are sex maniacs or predatory female marriage wrecker. Sure, we like good sex, but we love the interaction and friends we make as well.201D;2014; Phil Brandel is a freelance writer and contributor 2014; This story originally appeared on whimn.com.au and is reproduced with permissiontrending in lifestyle

It’s all in the job. Samantha X reveals what his job says about his sex life. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedOPINIONHere2019;s a secret.Most women I meet, whether it be school mums, housewives or professionals, have confessed to me that at some point in their lives they2019;ve thought about being a 2018;lady of the night.2019; (By the way, 90 per cent of my jobs were in the day, but I digress..)But, they say, the thing that puts them off is not the sex for money bit (they2019;re a bit sick of doing it for free), but the fact you may have to be intimate with 2018;fat ugly men.2019;201C;How can you do it?201D; They ask wrinkling up their noses, but dying to know 2026;Easily. You know why?RELATED: Escort reveals her big sex secret from the industryRELATED: Samantha X explains why sex work isn2019;t bad, violent men areRELATED: Samantha X starts new, sober life chapterBecause in my eyes, and in the eyes of most escorts out there, I don2019;t see men as 2018;fat or ugly2019;.Our physical bodies are a mere shell. What I see is the heart and soul that lies beneath. And I can tell you, 10 out of 10 times, those 2018;fat ugly men2019; have beautiful souls and kind hearts. I find something quite lovely in every man.It2019;s not so much what they look like, but what they do for work that determines the experience we will have.DISCLAIMER: the following is, of course, tongue firmly in cheek.Journalist and former escort Samantha X. Source: Supplied.Source:SuppliedLAWYERS: When God created psychopaths, he made them lawyers. If you want a debaucherous night of sex, the lawyer is your man. Doesn2019;t matter if they are commercial, property, divorce or criminal, their penchant for kinky sex never fails to shock. They also tell very entertaining stories and wear good suits.COPS: I love cops. They2019;re tough, funny and down to earth. They make their own lunches and are good to their mums. They promise you they will wear their uniform one day, but they never do as they2019;re too scared of getting caught.Every time I2019;ve been in a car with an off duty cop, they drive like maniacs and break every law known to man. The sex is a bit like them: funny, cute and fast. They2019;re always tired.ACCOUNTANTS: They are quite aware their jobs are dull, so seeing 2018;ladies2019; is their excitement in life. Sometimes the more ladies in one appointment, the better.More humble than lawyers and their suits aren2019;t as flash. Don2019;t get them started on tax, they love following up your dates with emails on how to dodge the tax man and the fact you can claim lingerie as a tax write off. They always bring chocolates.“It’s not so much what they look like, but what they do for work that determines the experience we will have,” says Samantha X. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedIT WORKERS/ENGINEERS: This lot must get paid a lot, as they2019;re the most common client. Both are structured in their bedroom skills and good with their hands.They rarely wear suits and prefer runners and chinos with a polo short. Don2019;t ask them about their jobs as there is a real risk they might actually tell you.They love a cuddle, foreplay and smell nice 2014; if they brush their teeth first.CELEBRITIES: Ugh. The WORST.201C;You should be paying me 2026;201D; is something I2019;ve heard many times.Fame is not something to be envied. I2019;ve never met a bunch of more depressed, egocentric (yet insecure) lot.One huge Hollywood star heated up his McDonalds burger in the microwave while downing champagne from the bottle. Another famous actor spent hours quoting me lines from his movies and was extremely upset I hadn2019;t seen them.They will typically try to negotiate fees despite being paid millions. And it2019;s true what they say: the sex is never like it is in the movies.Tradies are all mouth when you walk past them in the street, but pussy cats in the bedroom. Picture: istockSource:istockTRADIES: Tradies are all mouth when you walk past them in the street, but pussy cats in the bedroom. They cannot believe you find them sexy in their neons 2014; in fact, if they turn up in their overalls, they apologise profusely for not having time to get changed. They never stay long as they2019;ve always snuck out of a job. They show you photos of their dogs and are always single as they don2019;t believe in cheating if they were with someone. They try to do foreplay but are too over excited and in awe they get to see a woman who is actually naked. They tend to like MILFS.DOCTORS/SURGEONS: A bit like lawyers; great suits, great stories but also guilty of the God complex (understandable, as they do save lives.) Tend to fall in love with you and cannot believe you don2019;t want to see them outside of 2018;this2019;, despite them having a wife and four young kids. They have great stories, and good at foreplay (which you would hope so, as they know human bodies inside out).Doctors and surgeons tend to be great at foreplay (which you would hope so, as they know human bodies inside out). Picture: istock.Source:istockCRIMINALS: The harder the crim, the softer they are. I2019;ve not met a criminal that wasn2019;t a true gentlemen behind closed doors. One hardcore bikie cut our appointment short as he 2018;had to go Coles to buy his kids2019; school lunches2019;. They never talk to you about their jobs or their scars and they are very shy in the bedroom. The smart ones are sober. Very respectful towards women, and extremely generous. Usually prefer jeans and T-shirts on you. Give me a crim over a celebrity any day of the week.BANKERS: Same ilk as lawyers except minus the charm and humour. Huge egos despite their bonuses getting smaller. The only big thing about them usually is the debt they2019;re in. Sex is usually a flop due to too much booze. You should either get them in the morning before their lunches begin. Any time after 2pm 2014; don2019;t bother.Samantha X is an author, former sex worker, madam and sexpert | samantha@samanthax.com.autrending in lifestyleCoffee or orgasm — and why do we have to choose? Picture: iStockSource:istockI have to start by telling you, I love coffee. I don2019;t have many vices left in my life 2014; I don2019;t drink a lot, I don2019;t eat sugar and I don2019;t take drugs 2014; but I start every day with a good coffee.Then I follow up with another one or two during the day. It feels like a sweet treat, so it2019;s basically an excuse to have multiple desserts each and every day.For more stories like this, go to whimn.com.au. Desserts that give me the pep I need to rip into my day and battle the persistent fatigue that has plagued me since I became a working mother.But when a sex therapist I know recommended that starting my day with an orgasm instead of a coffee was a great idea, I have to admit I was curious. An orgasm is a better way to start your day, apparently, because it gives you a shot of oxytocin (the love hormone, as Bachelor Matt knows) 2014; and it doesn2019;t come with a side of anxiety like coffee can.RELATED: 2018;I masturbated every day for a week to help my anxiety2019;RELATED: Can we talk about the near orgasm on The Bachelor last night?Chelsie gave Matt the gift of oxytocin without making him give up coffee. Picture: Channel 10Source:Channel 10RELATED: An open letter to Australian women on orgasmsSo I decided to try it for a week to see if orgasms are indeed a better morning option than coffee. I put my body on the line in the name of science 2014; you2019;re welcome.DAY ONE I am instantly aware this experiment isn2019;t going to be as easy as I thought. I work from home so I figured, if my partner isn2019;t around, I can give myself a good seeing to whenever I like. What I hadn2019;t factored in was that my children would be running all over the house, needing help to get ready for school, and I had to get myself ready for a meeting just after I dropped them off. Opportunity for orgasms: zero. Consolation coffee: one. Then another one later that morning.DAY TWOI didn2019;t get enough sleep last night and my immediate inclination is to make myself a flat white to perk myself up, but I resist. I have carved out some extra time this morning to sort myself out so I find time and opportunity. There is something workmanlike about the process because it just feels so scheduled but I2019;m pleased to say I get it done.I go about my morning feeling pretty pleased with myself until a voice in my brain asks, 201C;Why couldn2019;t you have an orgasm AND a coffee?201D; That little girl from the hard and soft taco ads asking 201C;Porque no los todos?201D; taunts me.Later that morning I have a coffee meeting and I drink in that sweet bean like it2019;s the nectar of life itself. I also realise that although I can replace my morning coffee at home with an orgasm, there are circumstances where replacing coffee with an orgasm is inappropriate 2014; coffee meetings, at your desk at work, grabbing a takeaway on the train 2026; also coffee shops would have a distinctly different vibe if we just had places we all congregated to flood our systems with oxytocin.DAY THREEI hazily woke up and made myself a coffee on autopilot before my brain fully engaged. Halfway through drinking it I realised I should have been giving myself one instead. I shrugged and finished the coffee. It was delicious, so I had two more.RELATED: In praise of that delirious orgasm scene in 2018;When Harry Met Sally2019;RELATED: Are clitoral orgasms the McDonalds of the sexual world?Coffee makes me happy — is that a crime? Picture: praisaeng/iStock via Getty.Source:Getty ImagesRELATED: 2018;Being raised feminist helps me enjoy sex2019;DAY FOURI realise at this point things aren2019;t going as well as I thought they would. I assumed I2019;d be having all the morning sex and would be positively glowing by this stage, but instead I2019;m grumpy and conscious of what I2019;m missing rather than what I might be gaining. I get things done this morning and I skip my morning coffee but my heart isn2019;t in it. If I was anyone else I2019;d be offended by my lack of attentiveness.DAY FIVEI decided to try a change of attitude 2014; rather than thinking about what I was losing (that sweet, sweet bean), I thought about what I was gaining 2014; a chance to take time out and prioritise pure pleasure for myself each and every day. For the first time, I felt excited and positive about the experiment. (This could also have something to do with the fact that my partner had arrived home from a work trip, so I had someone to play with 2014; he did have a coffee afterwards, which I tried not to take as a personal affront).I also had enough sleep the night before so I started the day feeling rested and full of all the happy. Day five = success!DAYS SIX AND SEVENThe final leg of the experiment was the weekend, which gave me more time and opportunity to make things happen. I took a leisurely approach and had a very nice time, thank you very much. I2019;d like to say I didn2019;t miss coffee but I2019;d be lying. Having said that, by the end of the experiment I found that I was feeling great for the same reason you might feel good about meditating or exercising 2014; I was taking time out each and every day to do something that would make me feel good.DAY EIGHT Woke up, had coffee.Does the type of coffee you drink affect the type of orgasm you should replace it with? Picture: iStockSource:istockOkay so as great as a morning orgasm is 2014; and there2019;s no arguing against that 2014; it can be tough to fit it in if you have a busy morning schedule. And I also can2019;t see a reason why I have to choose one over the other.I roped some friends in to try out this theory too (from the comfort of their own homes), and they were perhaps more into it than me.Jen pointed out that the type of coffee one drinks might directly affect the type of orgasm you go for. She has a stove top coffee maker she purchased on a recent trip to Italy, which she said lends itself to a more thorough seeing to.RELATED: We need to talk about sexual guilt RELATED: 2018;I went on an orgasm cleanse and wow2019; RELATED: Is there such a thing as 2018;too much2019; masturbation?201C;It needs careful preparation,201D; she mused. 201C;It starts off cold. Slowly warms up, starts to make a little noise. Starts steaming, gets a little louder.201C;Gets really steamy, builds to a beautiful sounding crescendo and then falls silent. I then hold the cup close, yearningly drink it in, slowly enjoying the taste and smell and let it ooze through my whole body 2026; I2019;m smiling and ready for my day. 201C;I just wonder if people doing a NescafE9; instant have the same experience.201D;Bianca tried it for a weekend and confirmed her mind felt 201C;alive201D; on the Saturday but she couldn2019;t get herself there on the Sunday. This is a problem you never have with coffee.Amanda said her act of self love took the edge of the need for caffeine 2014; and that her post-orgasm cup of tea felt 201C;more relaxed than desperately needed201D;.And Emma, who also works from home, came out as a closet orgasm guru, admitting she2019;s been replacing her coffee with orgasms for years.201C;Sometimes I take my 2018;coffee break2019; in the midmorning or afternoon,201D; she said. 201C;So instead of having a coffee as a pick-me-up, I have an orgasm. That might be an afternoon delight with my partner or with the help of my very pretty purple vibrator. It definitely clears my head, calms me down from the blah of a work day, and gives me a little pep in my step to go back to work.201D;We could all be a little more like Emma. But maybe after one more coffee.2014; Carloyn Tate is the Night Editor of whimn.com.au2014; This story originally appeared on whimn.com.au and is reproduced with permission trending in lifestyleNadia Bokody knows exactly why your wife doesn’t want sex anymore. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:Instagram“Why can’t all women be as horny as you?” If I had a dollar for every time a guy left a comment like that on one of my sex columns, I wouldn2019;t need to be writing this.Of course, I could retire equally as early if I earned the same every time a man responded to one of my articles or social posts calling me a 201C;wh*re201D;.These paradoxical statements explain everything you need to know about the collective male understanding of female sexuality.And that is, quite simply, that they just don2019;t get it.Now, before you start taking to your keyboards and wielding your digital pitchforks, you should know this: I2019;m not here to blame men. If anything, I2019;m here to confirm the fact they2019;ve been given the short end of the stick.RELATED: Nadia Bokody: 2018;The truth about my sex addiction2019;RELATED: The controversial secret behind my phenomenal sex lifeThere's a far more uncomfortable truth behind your wife's vanishing libido, writes Nadia Bokody. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:InstagramSexual education in our country is wildly inadequate. And that2019;s coming from an ex-schoolteacher with a hell of a lot of respect and empathy for what teachers do.While I2019;m sure most of us can recall giggling through the health class as our teacher was forced to say 201C;erection201D; and 201C;ejaculation201D; out loud, I2019;d hazard a guess you don2019;t have a similar memory of a lesson even hinting at female pleasure.That2019;s because, for the girls among your class, sex ed was an exercise in familiarising ourselves with the pain the female body could inflict 2014; from menstruation to pregnancy.Around the same time, we were also learning not to talk about our sexuality out loud.While jokes about wanking and wet dreams proliferated public dialogue around sex, any utterance of the word 201C;vagina201D; or suggestion of a woman enjoying sex was met with embarrassed expressions and hushed words.Part of the problem is that female pleasure is still stigmatised in society, let alone openly discussed during sex ed. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:InstagramNone of us should have been surprised, then, when a study emerged earlier this year suggesting over 70 per cent of women are in pain or discomfort during sex.I2019;ll give you a second to let that sink in. Seventy per cent.Further research additionally confirmed most women couldn2019;t even correctly label their own genital anatomy.In fact, the majority of women are so detached from, and ashamed of, our sexuality that by the time we2019;ve hit adulthood, we naturally assume when we stop wanting sex, it2019;s a sign there2019;s something pathologically wrong with us. That we need to make a beeline for the nearest doctor2019;s clinic and start trawling Google for pharmaceutical solutions.It2019;s around this time in people2019;s relationships, I start to get the emails from men. They2019;re all some variation of the following:201C;My wife has lost her libido. How can we get it back?201D;This question misses the point entirely: Female sexuality is far more complex than something that can be 201C;lost201D;, like an unattended shopping basket at a Zara sale.At the heart of this issue is the flawed idea that women simply aren2019;t very sexual to begin with. That really, we only have sex to secure monogamy. So naturally, once the paperwork is signed, we2019;re done.Be a fly on the wall a few chardonnays into any girls2019; night and you2019;re guaranteed to discover that2019;s simply not the case. When women are alone and the boundaries are loosened, we readily share sex stories with similar fervour to any group of men.Vibrators continue to be one of the top-selling online products for women, and lingerie brands aren2019;t having any trouble getting us to part with our credit cards in exchange for faux leather teddies and lace G-strings.There is not some strange global phenomenon occurring, whereby these same, sexually healthy women2019;s libidos are all simultaneously vanishing into thin air a few years into marriage. If it were the case, the percentage of married women having sexual affairs wouldn2019;t be skyrocketing.The reason your wife isn2019;t having sex with you, is a far more uncomfortable truth: she2019;s bored.Research shows women 2014; far more than men 2014; crave novelty in relationships.It2019;s why we love date nights so much, and devoured the Fifty Shades Of Grey books, despite the terrible writing. Newness, mystery and spontaneity are key factors in the process of female arousal.Unfortunately, we don2019;t learn this in school 2014; or anywhere, for that matter. Men are essentially left to scrap together what knowledge they can from the pages of RedTube, where the orgasms are instantaneous and the women never require foreplay.Pair that with a lifetime of telling women their bodies are sources of pain and shame, and you have a recipe for a sex-starved relationship. Or 2014; at best 2014; sex that2019;s painfully unsatisfying.I2019;m aware you might have gotten to this point in the story feeling rather depressed and hopeless about it all. But take heed, this problem isn2019;t incurable.In fact, it2019;s easily solvable if you2019;re ready for a perspective shift.Here it is: 201C;Horny201D; women like myself aren2019;t the exception 2014; we2019;re the norm. Most women simply won2019;t own up to the fact they crave sex for fear of slut-shaming, which brings me to my second point: Women who actively seek out sex aren2019;t wh*res. And calling us so is only perpetuating the culture of female sexual oppression stopping you 2014; yes, you, the guy reading this 2014; from getting laid.Finally, you might be surprised at what a few surprise date nights, trying something new together and asking her what she likes in bed will do for her 201C;lost201D; libido.You might even discover that, actually, it was never lost to begin with. You just needed to know where to look.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer. Continue the conversation on Instagram | @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyle

Bonds Fur Baby search will run until February 28.Source:InstagramPet owners have never really needed a reason to share snaps of their fur baby — so imagine when there’s a competition involved.For the first time, as part of its popular Bonds Baby Search, the retailer has announced it will also launch a Fur Baby search 2014; and while it has eradicated the public voting system 2014; it hasn2019;t stopped dog and cat owners from sharing their 201C;winning201D; entries.Since kicking off yesterday there has been a huge 14,032 entries for dogs and 2517 entries for cats.One winner will be selected at random everyday until the competition ends on February 28 2014; each daily pet winner will receive a bag of pet food from Meals for Mutts (if their pet is a dog) or Whiskas (if their pet is a cat) up to the value of 0 (depending on the size of the pet).There will also be one overall winner selected by Bonds officials. That lucky fur baby will get a year2019;s supply of pet food and could also feature in an upcoming Bonds campaign.Unfortunately, the competition is only open to dogs and cats 2014; at this stage no other pets will be eligible 2014; while officials have also warned that there is no need to dress up animals.201C;Bonds is looking for babies and pets with character, individuality and charm to become the next little faces of the brand,201D; a Bonds spokesman said.Two bubs and one pet will be chosen by Bonds with all winners taking part in a campaign shoot after competition finishes.Bonds have been featuring Aussie babies in their campaigns since 1939.Alongside the Bonds Baby Search is the new ‘fur baby’ competition with daily prizes up for grabs. Picture: Nicki ConnollySource:News Corp AustraliaRULES OF THE 2018;FUR BABY SEARCH2019; COMPAn entry may be declined due to one or more of the following reasons: It is of a pet other than a cat or dog. It is a multiple entry of the same pet. It depicts multiple pets. The entrant does not meet the entry criteria (e.g. it features other people or children). The image supplied is deemed to be unsuitable for publication in the context of this competition.For more information visit bonds.com.autrending in lifestyle新的大型单机游戏>>Maggie Wilken. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedIt’s the book everyone has been talking about — and chances are, if you haven’t read it someone you know has.Since Three Women was released in July this year it2019;s become a worldwide sensation, with critics praising it as the best nonfiction book since Truman Capote2019;s In Cold Blood was published in 1965.Written by journalist Lisa Taddeo, Three Women is the result of ten years of meticulous work by Taddeo interviewing numerous women across the United States about their sexual lives, with only three consenting to have their stories told in print.Based on years of interviews, court documents, emails and text messages, Three Women tells the very different sex lives of Lina, Sloane and Maggie in addictive, first person accounts.RELATED: Why this magazine stopped asking women about their baby plansRELATED: Relationship Rehab: Should I dump my cheating wife?Lisa Taddeo spent a decade working on Three Women.Source:SuppliedThree Women by Lisa Taddeo.Source:SuppliedLina is a lonely housewife from Indiana who begins an affair with an old high school flame after years of her husband refusing to kiss her on the lips.Across the country is restaurant owner Sloane, who has sex with other men and women at her husband2019;s request, only to find the decision come back to haunt her.Speaking to news.com.au on the phone from New York, Taddeo said she hopes Three Women2019;s raw accounts inspires us to be less judgmental 2014; and kinder 2014; when it comes to relationships.201C;Really for me it2019;s the idea of not judging people that2019;s the main thing. One man who read the book said that the thing that it did for him the most was it let him know that indifference could be wounding,201D; she said.201C;That is what I would hope people to gain. We2019;re all very similar, we shouldn2019;t judge each other. 201C;And that not seeing someone else in the world 2014; we all want to be seen 2014; and not looking back at someone when they are in front of our faces is one of the cruellest things you can do to another person.201D;RELATED: The real reason your wife doesn2019;t want sex anymoreRELATED: Woman travelled three hours to meet Tinder date dumpedMaggie Wilken (right) came forward with her story in 2014. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedMaggie alleged she had a sexual relationship with her teacher Aaron Knodel when she was 17. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedBy far the most compelling 2014; and heartbreaking 2014; story of Three Women, is that of Maggie2019;s, who is the only one interviewed to use her real name.Maggie Wilken was just 17 when she alleges her high school English teacher, Aaron Knodel, began a sexual relationship with her 2014; claims which he denies.At 17 Maggie was below the age of consent, which is 18 in the US state of North Dakota.Wilken alleges Mr Knodel commited numerous sex acts on her while she was still in high school, with plans for them to sleep together on her 18th birthday.Wilken describes the romance 2014; which she claims they likened to Bella and Edward2019;s forbidden love in Twilight 2014; as rocky, ending when he abruptly dumped her on his 30th birthday.In Three Women Maggie describes in heartbreaking detail how her tumultuous relationship with Mr Knodel caused her mental pain for years afterwards, prompting her to come forward at age 22 when he was named North Dakota2019;s teacher of the year 2014.But, as Three Women reveals, there was no fairytale ending for Maggie.During a five-day trial in April 2015, a handwriting expert claimed romantic post-it notes placed in Maggie2019;s copy of Twilight matched Mr Knodel2019;s hand.However, the teacher strenuously denied he had written the notes, with his wife also taking the stand to accuse Maggie of being dishonest about their relationship.Mr Knodel was eventually acquitted of three of five felony counts of corruption or solicitation of a minor. The other two were dismissed after a judge declared a mistrial, the West Fargo Pioneer reported at the time.Aaron Knodel was later acquitted. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedMaggie found her account attacked by Mr Knodel’s supporters. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedComing forward came at a huge personal cost for Maggie, who faced fierce opposition from those in the community who supported Mr Knodel and attempted to discredit her account. After he was acquitted Mr Knodel returned to teaching in schools.But while Maggie may not have achieved a resolution in the legal system, Taddeo says the release of Three Women has healed her.201C;Maggie has been doing the best,201D; Taddeo revealed.201C;She said that the book has given her closure and she has received hundreds of notes from women across the country saying that she2019;s helped them with her story and her honesty has helped them go back in time and deal with their own (trauma).201D;In a touching twist Three Women has even reached one Maggie2019;s idols as a teenager.201C;On top of that (US) soccer star Abby Wambach, who was always Maggie2019;s hero as a young woman, she posted a photo of herself reading the book,201D; Taddeo said.201C;I wrote and said, 2018;you2019;re Maggie2019;s hero,2019; which she was, and she wrote back and said 2018;Maggie2019;s my hero2019;.201C;So that2019;s the kind of (affect) that Maggie has been having which has been a really amazing response.201D;Three Women is available now from all major bookstores trending in lifestyleMismatched sex drives can be a massive issue in relationships. Picture: iStockSource:istock Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au2019;s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred. This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a man who has had sex twice in two years, a woman with an odd pre-sex request and a woman struggling to get in the mood since she put on weight. MY HUSBAND DOESN2019;T WANT SEXQUESTION: I2019;ve been with my partner for nearly three years. He2019;s a great stepdad to my children so I do want to make it work. Initially sex was great and I felt really close and desired by him.We had sex once last year and once this year. Many articles say lack of desire is likely not due to anything I2019;ve done but may be due to his low testosterone. However he2019;s told me more than once in arguments that he can2019;t feel sexually attracted to me because of parts of my personality which are closed off (I know I put a wall up). He2019;s an intelligent man who has said 201C;he can2019;t be led by his d*ck201D;. I need to have sex. I can2019;t be in a relationship without it. We2019;re both in early 50s.ANSWER: I feel sad reading your question because it sounds like neither you nor your partner are getting your needs for intimacy met.You2019;re asking for sex, but it sounds like you want this, at least in part, to feel close and desired by him. By telling you he2019;s struggling to be sexually intimate because he feels there are parts of you that are closed off, he2019;s actually asking for more connection and intimacy with you too.It2019;s fair that you don2019;t want to be in a relationship without sex, for many people it2019;s a very important part of a relationship and a way to feel loved and connected to a partner. It can2019;t however be the only thing that holds a relationship together. We also need love, friendship, good communication and a willingness to resolve conflict.You acknowledge that there2019;s a disconnection due to 201C;putting a wall up201D;. Examine what this 201C;wall201D; really is. My guess is that it2019;s fear and a difficulty being vulnerable. In order to try to protect yourself, you create distance, push away or block the other person. The irony is, these strategies don2019;t protect us from getting hurt, but basically guarantee we get hurt because a relationship can2019;t survive with this going on. You2019;re longing for love and connection with him, but you2019;re pushing it (and him) away at the same time.Sexologist and couples therapist Isiah McKimmie. Picture:

The UK Court of Protection ruled sex is a ‘fundamental human right’.Source:Getty ImagesA UK court has ruled that an intellectually disabled man who does not understand consent must be allowed to pursue relationships despite posing a “moderate risk” of raping women.The Court of Protection, which hears financial and welfare matters for people who lack the mental capacity to make decisions, said restrictions on the man2019;s ability to socialise freely should be lifted because sex is a 201C;fundamental human right201D;.The 36-year-old, referred to only as JB, has a complex diagnosis of autism with impaired cognition. He has never been charged with a criminal offence but, due to his sexually inappropriate behaviour towards women, has been living in a supported residential placement under a comprehensive care plan since 2014.The plan 201C;imposes significant limitations on his ability to function independently201D; with 201C;restrictions on his access to the local community where he lives, his contact with third parties, and his access to social media and the internet201D;.201C;The primary thrust of the evidence is that JB lacks the insight or ability to communicate appropriately with women to whom he is attracted,201D; Justice Roberts said in the September 17 judgment.201C;On occasions his advances have lacked appropriate social inhibition and 2026; there is a concern that his behaviour, if unrestrained, may result in his exposure to the criminal justice system and risk to potentially vulnerable females.201D;JB, represented by a government solicitor, challenged the care plan as infringing on his human rights. 201C;Throughout the course of this litigation, JB has made it very plain that he desperately wants to find a girlfriend with whom he can develop and maintain a relationship,201D; Justice Roberts said.201C;He is anxious to have a sexual partner and believes that the current restrictions represent an unfair and unwarranted interference in his basic rights to a private and family life.201D;His local authority wanted the care plan to stay in place, arguing it was the court2019;s responsibility to protect JB from 201C;committing a criminal offence for which he could be imprisoned201D;.A clinical psychologist prepared a report that concluded JB 201C;represented a moderate risk of sexual offending to women201D;.201C;Based on descriptions of his previous and ongoing behaviours, this is most likely to take the form of sexual harassment through the form of repeated, unwanted sexually explicit messages to females whose numbers he has obtained or whom he contacts through social media or dating sites,201D; she wrote.201C;JB has also been observed to have limited social boundaries around women, particularly those who are vulnerable but also women in pubs or clubs whom he has approached while dancing. Additionally he acknowledges not being able to judge women2019;s reactions to him and that he is unwilling to directly ask for clarification of these issues.201D;She added, 201C;In these and similar situations the risk is of JB sexually touching these women without consent. In terms of vulnerable women who do not have the capacity to consent to sexual relations, there is a risk of JB not recognising or respecting this fact, resulting in the potential for rape to occur.201D;Justice Roberts ruled, however, that requiring JB to demonstrate a 201C;full appreciation of both his own and a partner2019;s of consent201D; would be discriminatory because it would 201C;impose on him a burden which a capacitous individual may not share201D;.She said lacking that knowledge might expose JB to the risk of criminal prosecution but that he was 201C;entitled to make the same mistakes which all human beings can, and do, make in the course of a lifetime201D;.201C;A decision to engage in sexual relations 2026; is a primal expression of our humanity and existence as sexual beings. It is an essential part of our basic DNA as reproductive human beings,201D; she said.201C;Sexual relations form a fundamental aspect of our humanity, common to all regardless of whether an individual suffers from some impairment of the mind. The whole process of decision-making in this context 2013; even in the case of persons of full capacity 2013; is 2018;largely visceral rather than cerebral, owing more to instinct and emotion than to analysis2019;.201D;She added, 201C;In my judgment, to argue that a full and complete understanding of consent (in terms recognised by the criminal law) is an essential component of capacity to have sexual relations is to confuse the nature or character of a sexual act with its lawfulness.201D;frank.chung@news.com.autrending in lifestyleIt’s all in the job. Samantha X reveals what his job says about his sex life. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedOPINIONHere2019;s a secret.Most women I meet, whether it be school mums, housewives or professionals, have confessed to me that at some point in their lives they2019;ve thought about being a 2018;lady of the night.2019; (By the way, 90 per cent of my jobs were in the day, but I digress..)But, they say, the thing that puts them off is not the sex for money bit (they2019;re a bit sick of doing it for free), but the fact you may have to be intimate with 2018;fat ugly men.2019;201C;How can you do it?201D; They ask wrinkling up their noses, but dying to know 2026;Easily. You know why?RELATED: Escort reveals her big sex secret from the industryRELATED: Samantha X explains why sex work isn2019;t bad, violent men areRELATED: Samantha X starts new, sober life chapterBecause in my eyes, and in the eyes of most escorts out there, I don2019;t see men as 2018;fat or ugly2019;.Our physical bodies are a mere shell. What I see is the heart and soul that lies beneath. And I can tell you, 10 out of 10 times, those 2018;fat ugly men2019; have beautiful souls and kind hearts. I find something quite lovely in every man.It2019;s not so much what they look like, but what they do for work that determines the experience we will have.DISCLAIMER: the following is, of course, tongue firmly in cheek.Journalist and former escort Samantha X. Source: Supplied.Source:SuppliedLAWYERS: When God created psychopaths, he made them lawyers. If you want a debaucherous night of sex, the lawyer is your man. Doesn2019;t matter if they are commercial, property, divorce or criminal, their penchant for kinky sex never fails to shock. They also tell very entertaining stories and wear good suits.COPS: I love cops. They2019;re tough, funny and down to earth. They make their own lunches and are good to their mums. They promise you they will wear their uniform one day, but they never do as they2019;re too scared of getting caught.Every time I2019;ve been in a car with an off duty cop, they drive like maniacs and break every law known to man. The sex is a bit like them: funny, cute and fast. They2019;re always tired.ACCOUNTANTS: They are quite aware their jobs are dull, so seeing 2018;ladies2019; is their excitement in life. Sometimes the more ladies in one appointment, the better.More humble than lawyers and their suits aren2019;t as flash. Don2019;t get them started on tax, they love following up your dates with emails on how to dodge the tax man and the fact you can claim lingerie as a tax write off. They always bring chocolates.“It’s not so much what they look like, but what they do for work that determines the experience we will have,” says Samantha X. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedIT WORKERS/ENGINEERS: This lot must get paid a lot, as they2019;re the most common client. Both are structured in their bedroom skills and good with their hands.They rarely wear suits and prefer runners and chinos with a polo short. Don2019;t ask them about their jobs as there is a real risk they might actually tell you.They love a cuddle, foreplay and smell nice 2014; if they brush their teeth first.CELEBRITIES: Ugh. The WORST.201C;You should be paying me 2026;201D; is something I2019;ve heard many times.Fame is not something to be envied. I2019;ve never met a bunch of more depressed, egocentric (yet insecure) lot.One huge Hollywood star heated up his McDonalds burger in the microwave while downing champagne from the bottle. Another famous actor spent hours quoting me lines from his movies and was extremely upset I hadn2019;t seen them.They will typically try to negotiate fees despite being paid millions. And it2019;s true what they say: the sex is never like it is in the movies.Tradies are all mouth when you walk past them in the street, but pussy cats in the bedroom. Picture: istockSource:istockTRADIES: Tradies are all mouth when you walk past them in the street, but pussy cats in the bedroom. They cannot believe you find them sexy in their neons 2014; in fact, if they turn up in their overalls, they apologise profusely for not having time to get changed. They never stay long as they2019;ve always snuck out of a job. They show you photos of their dogs and are always single as they don2019;t believe in cheating if they were with someone. They try to do foreplay but are too over excited and in awe they get to see a woman who is actually naked. They tend to like MILFS.DOCTORS/SURGEONS: A bit like lawyers; great suits, great stories but also guilty of the God complex (understandable, as they do save lives.) Tend to fall in love with you and cannot believe you don2019;t want to see them outside of 2018;this2019;, despite them having a wife and four young kids. They have great stories, and good at foreplay (which you would hope so, as they know human bodies inside out).Doctors and surgeons tend to be great at foreplay (which you would hope so, as they know human bodies inside out). Picture: istock.Source:istockCRIMINALS: The harder the crim, the softer they are. I2019;ve not met a criminal that wasn2019;t a true gentlemen behind closed doors. One hardcore bikie cut our appointment short as he 2018;had to go Coles to buy his kids2019; school lunches2019;. They never talk to you about their jobs or their scars and they are very shy in the bedroom. The smart ones are sober. Very respectful towards women, and extremely generous. Usually prefer jeans and T-shirts on you. Give me a crim over a celebrity any day of the week.BANKERS: Same ilk as lawyers except minus the charm and humour. Huge egos despite their bonuses getting smaller. The only big thing about them usually is the debt they2019;re in. Sex is usually a flop due to too much booze. You should either get them in the morning before their lunches begin. Any time after 2pm 2014; don2019;t bother.Samantha X is an author, former sex worker, madam and sexpert | samantha@samanthax.com.autrending in lifestyle

Forget about modesty — that's what Photoshop is for. Picture: InstagramSource:Supplied“Babe, I can see your labia,” my boyfriend notes, as he points the camera and snaps another shot.I2019;ve just spent the better part of half an hour struggling into a lingerie set that could double as netting for Christmas ham. It leaves basically nothing to the imagination.201C;I2019;ll Photoshop it out,201D; I answer back, without missing a beat.This is not an unusual occurrence in our household. We stage one of these guerrilla-style shoots every couple of months to replenish my content for Instagram.As someone who runs my own company and makes a fairly healthy income out of social media, these photo shoots are all business to me. That 201C;business201D; is spreading education about female sexuality through my writing, influencer work and vlogs.Nadia posts provocative photos online for a living. Picture: InstagramSource:SuppliedWhile I2019;ve been writing about my sex life and showing off my wildly average body to anyone who2019;ll pay attention for almost a decade now, I realise what I do is still viewed as an act of rebellion.Sure, it2019;s 2019. But the fact is, we live in a culture that actively fears sexual women. Talking openly about sex, enjoying it and presenting as 2018;sexy2019; makes people extremely uncomfortable if you2019;re a woman.I learned this at age nine when a relative publicly scolded me for saying the word 201C;vagina201D; out aloud, and then again at 13 when a boy told me my short skirt made me look like a 201C;skank201D;. I was reminded at 23 when my manager politely informed me my figure-hugging outfits were distracting the men, and I should consider dressing differently.I2019;ve been told hundreds of times throughout my life that my body and sexuality are sources of shame. That the only place they should be put on display is in my home, with my boyfriend or husband.Nadia owns her sexuality and doesn't care what you think about it. Picture: InstagramSource:SuppliedAnd for a significant part of my life, I bought into it. I let my boyfriends gate-keep my sexuality, critique my outfits before I left the house, tell me what was and wasn2019;t OK to share about my life in my writing and dictate when I had sex or masturbated.I worked tirelessly at making myself smaller and quieter for the comfort of others. And when I failed, I readily accepted labels like 201C;inappropriate201D;, 201C;attention-seeker201D; and 201C;sl*t201D; as my burden to bear.I let people pathologise me when I broke free from monogamy in my early 30s and began having frequent casual sex. Having a variety of sexual partners was a problem, I was told. An 201C;addiction201D;, I was made to believe 2014; despite my 201C;addiction201D; mirroring what men were doing to the sound of applause from their bros.It wasn2019;t until one of my sex columns unexpectedly went viral a couple of years ago, prompting women to reach out to me to share their stories of repressed sexuality and body shame, I realised I needed to shed those labels.Forget about modesty — that's what Photoshop is for. Picture: InstagramSource:SuppliedPosing provocatively for an Instagram post isn2019;t about collecting likes or attention. I do it to make a point (no pun intended). I do it because I want to live in a world where it2019;s conceivable for a woman to be intelligent and emotionally fulfilled and still enjoy sex or sport a braless plunging neckline. (And, call me crazy, but I tend to believe men can get on with their jobs just fine while our cleavage is on show.)I do it because the question I2019;m asked most as a successful businesswoman who posts the occasional nude selfie isn2019;t what advice I2019;d give to other aspiring female entrepreneurs or what I enjoy most about my job.It2019;s 201C;What does your boyfriend think?201D;That2019;s when I2019;m acutely reminded I need to keep making people uncomfortable.Don2019;t get me wrong. Every fibre of my being wants to explain that, actually, my boyfriend is secure enough in his masculinity not to need to police my Instagram. That he2019;s my biggest supporter and the first one to reach for a camera and say, 201C;Hold that pose, that2019;d look great on your feed201D; when I2019;m putting on something sexy. That he could care less who looks at my butt because we have a healthy, trusting relationship, thank you very much.But I don2019;t say any of that. Because I know that2019;s not what matters. What matters is, regardless of how anyone feels about what I post, no one gets to govern my body or my sexuality but me.Although, thankfully, my boyfriend is there to let me know when I2019;ve had a labia slip.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer. Continue the conversation @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyleNadia Bokody knows exactly why your wife doesn’t want sex anymore. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:Instagram“Why can’t all women be as horny as you?” If I had a dollar for every time a guy left a comment like that on one of my sex columns, I wouldn2019;t need to be writing this.Of course, I could retire equally as early if I earned the same every time a man responded to one of my articles or social posts calling me a 201C;wh*re201D;.These paradoxical statements explain everything you need to know about the collective male understanding of female sexuality.And that is, quite simply, that they just don2019;t get it.Now, before you start taking to your keyboards and wielding your digital pitchforks, you should know this: I2019;m not here to blame men. If anything, I2019;m here to confirm the fact they2019;ve been given the short end of the stick.RELATED: Nadia Bokody: 2018;The truth about my sex addiction2019;RELATED: The controversial secret behind my phenomenal sex lifeThere's a far more uncomfortable truth behind your wife's vanishing libido, writes Nadia Bokody. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:InstagramSexual education in our country is wildly inadequate. And that2019;s coming from an ex-schoolteacher with a hell of a lot of respect and empathy for what teachers do.While I2019;m sure most of us can recall giggling through the health class as our teacher was forced to say 201C;erection201D; and 201C;ejaculation201D; out loud, I2019;d hazard a guess you don2019;t have a similar memory of a lesson even hinting at female pleasure.That2019;s because, for the girls among your class, sex ed was an exercise in familiarising ourselves with the pain the female body could inflict 2014; from menstruation to pregnancy.Around the same time, we were also learning not to talk about our sexuality out loud.While jokes about wanking and wet dreams proliferated public dialogue around sex, any utterance of the word 201C;vagina201D; or suggestion of a woman enjoying sex was met with embarrassed expressions and hushed words.Part of the problem is that female pleasure is still stigmatised in society, let alone openly discussed during sex ed. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:InstagramNone of us should have been surprised, then, when a study emerged earlier this year suggesting over 70 per cent of women are in pain or discomfort during sex.I2019;ll give you a second to let that sink in. Seventy per cent.Further research additionally confirmed most women couldn2019;t even correctly label their own genital anatomy.In fact, the majority of women are so detached from, and ashamed of, our sexuality that by the time we2019;ve hit adulthood, we naturally assume when we stop wanting sex, it2019;s a sign there2019;s something pathologically wrong with us. That we need to make a beeline for the nearest doctor2019;s clinic and start trawling Google for pharmaceutical solutions.It2019;s around this time in people2019;s relationships, I start to get the emails from men. They2019;re all some variation of the following:201C;My wife has lost her libido. How can we get it back?201D;This question misses the point entirely: Female sexuality is far more complex than something that can be 201C;lost201D;, like an unattended shopping basket at a Zara sale.At the heart of this issue is the flawed idea that women simply aren2019;t very sexual to begin with. That really, we only have sex to secure monogamy. So naturally, once the paperwork is signed, we2019;re done.Be a fly on the wall a few chardonnays into any girls2019; night and you2019;re guaranteed to discover that2019;s simply not the case. When women are alone and the boundaries are loosened, we readily share sex stories with similar fervour to any group of men.Vibrators continue to be one of the top-selling online products for women, and lingerie brands aren2019;t having any trouble getting us to part with our credit cards in exchange for faux leather teddies and lace G-strings.There is not some strange global phenomenon occurring, whereby these same, sexually healthy women2019;s libidos are all simultaneously vanishing into thin air a few years into marriage. If it were the case, the percentage of married women having sexual affairs wouldn2019;t be skyrocketing.The reason your wife isn2019;t having sex with you, is a far more uncomfortable truth: she2019;s bored.Research shows women 2014; far more than men 2014; crave novelty in relationships.It2019;s why we love date nights so much, and devoured the Fifty Shades Of Grey books, despite the terrible writing. Newness, mystery and spontaneity are key factors in the process of female arousal.Unfortunately, we don2019;t learn this in school 2014; or anywhere, for that matter. Men are essentially left to scrap together what knowledge they can from the pages of RedTube, where the orgasms are instantaneous and the women never require foreplay.Pair that with a lifetime of telling women their bodies are sources of pain and shame, and you have a recipe for a sex-starved relationship. Or 2014; at best 2014; sex that2019;s painfully unsatisfying.I2019;m aware you might have gotten to this point in the story feeling rather depressed and hopeless about it all. But take heed, this problem isn2019;t incurable.In fact, it2019;s easily solvable if you2019;re ready for a perspective shift.Here it is: 201C;Horny201D; women like myself aren2019;t the exception 2014; we2019;re the norm. Most women simply won2019;t own up to the fact they crave sex for fear of slut-shaming, which brings me to my second point: Women who actively seek out sex aren2019;t wh*res. And calling us so is only perpetuating the culture of female sexual oppression stopping you 2014; yes, you, the guy reading this 2014; from getting laid.Finally, you might be surprised at what a few surprise date nights, trying something new together and asking her what she likes in bed will do for her 201C;lost201D; libido.You might even discover that, actually, it was never lost to begin with. You just needed to know where to look.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer. Continue the conversation on Instagram | @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyleUnicorns are the new attendees at swingers parties. Picture: iStockSource:istockAccording to fairy tales, unicorns are mythical creatures that everybody has heard of, but nobody has seen. In the swinging scene, unicorns are solo females who go to sex parties and swingers2019; clubs on their own. They arrive alone, they leave alone and just like their mythical counterparts, their scarcity makes them highly sought after.For more stories like this, go to whimn.com.auUnicorns admit that even people in the swinging community are surprised when a single female arrives by herself at a sex party.Lucy* is a mid-30s professional, who was married for 10 years.201C;I always wanted to explore things like swinging and pegging when I was married, but my husband wasn2019;t keen. When I got divorced, I met a guy on a dating site who was into the swinging community. He took me to a party and straight away I realised, these are my people, this is what I had been looking for, it was fantastic, I was hooked.201D;RELATED: The unglamorous reality of orgiesRELATED: 2018;I went to my first orgy and I loved it2019;Would you ever go to a swingers party as a single? Picture: iStockSource:istockRELATED: 2018;I2019;ve been polyamorous for nearly a decade 2014; here2019;s how I make it work2019;Lucy admits that her first sex party started just like any other party.201C;There were about 12 couples in a serviced apartment, there was Jatz and cheese and dips. People were standing around making small talk and having drinks, then after about half an hour, a couple of the girls yelled out 2018;let2019;s get started2019;. So a few couples moved to a bedroom and started getting it on with each other, then some more people joined in. By the end of the night, everyone was naked and having sex with each other201D;Since then Lucy has been a proud unicorn, going to sex clubs by herself or being the third wheel in threesomes. 201C;It2019;s just more exciting by yourself, you don2019;t have to worry about what your partner2019;s doing if they2019;re happy or being taken care of. It2019;s great to be able to pick and choose who I play with and who plays with me. Being a unicorn I always make sure I play with the hottest couple201D;.201C;A lot of people comment that it must be really empowering walking into a room where everybody wants you, buts its actually the other way around, I do it because I am empowered. It2019;s something that I enjoy doing and I have enough confidence and I2019;m comfortable enough to be able to put myself out there201D; Lucy added.Samantha Jones would absolutely be a unicorn. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedLouise* also considers herself a unicorn even though she is still married. 201C;About ten years ago, I found myself alone as a single mum with two young children as my partner travelled overseas for work nine months of the year. My sex life was restricted to watching porn and using a vibrator when the children slept. I didn2019;t want to get into the complexities of having an affair, but I missed the adult company. My partner suggested I go to a sex club as we both agreed it was safer emotionally and physically.201D;RELATED: Diary of a young married swingerRELATED: Meet the swingers teaching us how to have better sexRELATED: 2018;I broke the one rule of being a swinger2019;It2019;s not just guys that Louise is attracted to when she goes out alone 201C;I am polysexual, so I am attracted to people rather than a specific sex. If I am playing with a couple, it doesn2019;t matter how nice he is, I have to connect with her as well. If I2019;m playing with a single guy, then he can2019;t take himself too seriously, make me laugh and make me feel like I2019;m the only woman in the room, and you2019;re halfway there. Sometimes for fun, I will see a couple playing together and if I catch her eye and I can see she is interested, I will just walk up and start kissing her. His reaction is usually jaw-dropping, especially if they are new to the scene.201D;Even though Louise loves being a unicorn, she doesn2019;t always fly solo. 201C;I have more interaction as a solo. As soon as couples and other singles notice I2019;m solo they come and say hi, but I don2019;t feel any pressure from the people I meet as I2019;m 100% in control. I also meet some awesome people and make great friends. Occasionally my husband will come along if I ask him. He loves the cuckold experience, so he is more likely to say yes if the event is not for couples only.201D;Louise admits that going to sex parties alone could be dangerous. 201C;I am very cautious. I arrive early and leave early. I don2019;t drink and I avoid people who drink excessively. I choose open playrooms unless I am with people I know. If someone is bothering me, I tell the staff. On the odd occasion, I2019;ve asked the staff to walk me to my car. The challenge for unicorns is a man being intoxicated and not understanding the word 2018;no,2019; and I find that it2019; most likely to happen after midnight, which is why I leave early.201D;Hallmark of any good swingers party. Picture: iStockSource:istockSo would Louise ever go back to a vanilla relationship? 201C;Yes, absolutely, I enjoy the community and I love being a unicorn with the full support of my partner. Without that support and encouragement, the magic wouldn2019;t exist and would likely be replaced by jealousy and there would be nothing sexy about that.201D;RELATED: 2018;What really happens at a polysex party2019;RELATED: Inside LA2019;s most exclusive sex partyRELATED: What really goes on at NY2019;s most exclusive sex party201C;The swinging community has taught me many things; Firstly confidence 2014; the perfect body doesn2019;t exist outside of magazines, so except mine, as it is, take it or leave it. Unicorns are unique within the community and I2019;ve enjoyed the confidence that has brought me. Secondly, never to expect others to know what I want or what I am into. I tell them what I want, how to do it and what I don2019;t want. I find they really appreciate this inside track and that way I avoid bad sex. Here2019;s an example 2014; my breasts are very sensitive. Treat them with care and I will get really turned on, start squeezing, prodding or chewing and I am going to want to flatten you and not have sex with you.201D;When Louise tells people she is a Unicorn, it usually comes with a lot of misconceptions and judgment, 201C;People think we are sex maniacs or predatory female marriage wrecker. Sure, we like good sex, but we love the interaction and friends we make as well.201D;2014; Phil Brandel is a freelance writer and contributor 2014; This story originally appeared on whimn.com.au and is reproduced with permissiontrending in lifestyle

Mismatched sex drives can be a massive issue in relationships. Picture: iStockSource:istock Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au2019;s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred. This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a man who has had sex twice in two years, a woman with an odd pre-sex request and a woman struggling to get in the mood since she put on weight. MY HUSBAND DOESN2019;T WANT SEXQUESTION: I2019;ve been with my partner for nearly three years. He2019;s a great stepdad to my children so I do want to make it work. Initially sex was great and I felt really close and desired by him.We had sex once last year and once this year. Many articles say lack of desire is likely not due to anything I2019;ve done but may be due to his low testosterone. However he2019;s told me more than once in arguments that he can2019;t feel sexually attracted to me because of parts of my personality which are closed off (I know I put a wall up). He2019;s an intelligent man who has said 201C;he can2019;t be led by his d*ck201D;. I need to have sex. I can2019;t be in a relationship without it. We2019;re both in early 50s.ANSWER: I feel sad reading your question because it sounds like neither you nor your partner are getting your needs for intimacy met.You2019;re asking for sex, but it sounds like you want this, at least in part, to feel close and desired by him. By telling you he2019;s struggling to be sexually intimate because he feels there are parts of you that are closed off, he2019;s actually asking for more connection and intimacy with you too.It2019;s fair that you don2019;t want to be in a relationship without sex, for many people it2019;s a very important part of a relationship and a way to feel loved and connected to a partner. It can2019;t however be the only thing that holds a relationship together. We also need love, friendship, good communication and a willingness to resolve conflict.You acknowledge that there2019;s a disconnection due to 201C;putting a wall up201D;. Examine what this 201C;wall201D; really is. My guess is that it2019;s fear and a difficulty being vulnerable. In order to try to protect yourself, you create distance, push away or block the other person. The irony is, these strategies don2019;t protect us from getting hurt, but basically guarantee we get hurt because a relationship can2019;t survive with this going on. You2019;re longing for love and connection with him, but you2019;re pushing it (and him) away at the same time.Sexologist and couples therapist Isiah McKimmie. Picture:

新的大型单机游戏>>Sexpert and former escort Samantha X reveals what it’s like to be the third person in bed. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedLast week, I shattered your illusions by admitting the kind of action I got between the sheets as an escort was rather vanilla. Now I am going to surprise you again.When it comes to my own personal (non-existent) love life, I am extremely traditional. I2019;ve never been to a swingers club with my partners, would never have an open relationship and I can get jealous. One boyfriend worked that out when he made the mistake of gawping at a woman for about 45 seconds too long. I swiped his Prada sunnies off his face, snapped them in half and chucked them out of the (moving) car window.But enough about me.RELATED: Samantha X reveals the sex request she received from a client2019;s wifeRELATED: Samantha X reveals 2018;what men really want in bed2019;RELATED: Former escort Samantha X on what women want from menIn my former years as an escort, I2019;ve met couples who are NOT the jealous type. Women who not only don2019;t mind their husbands looking at other women but welcome a woman with open arms (and legs) into their marital bed.I2019;ve met women who get turned on by watching their husbands have sex with other women.And I2019;ve met women who have booked escorts for their husbands as a birthday gift.I know this because I have been that other woman. And let me tell you, couples that play together, stay together.‘Couples that play together, stay together’ according to former escort Samantha X. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedA couple I2019;ve mentioned previously are Bob and Belinda, in their 50s, who have been together 17 years. Their secret 2014; apart from not living together 2014; is to book an escort to spend some time with every few months.When I met them, they turned up beaming in their Sunday best, with chocolates and a bottle of non-alcoholic wine for me, with a little thankyou card.Belinda did most of the talking. She admitted she loved Bob so much, seeing him turned on turned HER on.They discovered escorts a year ago and didn2019;t just go to bed with them, they felt they bonded with them.201C;What was that name of that nice escort we met in Brisbane Bob? The one with the really big fake boobs. Oh she was a lovely girl, so well travelled 2026;201D;Their eyes would light up as they recounted each experience.201C;We got to a stage in our relationship where our sex life was getting stale so we decided to have a threesome.201D;But why pay for an escort when you can meet someone in a bar or ask a girlfriend?I read somewhere worrying an escort is going to steal your husband is like thinking a teacher wants to steal your kids.It2019;s a job, nothing more, nothing less. And when the escort leaves, she is not pining for your husband, trust me. She is thinking about what she is going to have for dinner or finally breaking wind after holding it in for a few hours. (Escorts fart too).There is no emotional attachment and boundaries are firmly in place.Samantha X insists the couples she worked with found their relationships improved after having a threesome. Picture: Fabrizio Lipari.Source:SuppliedMy questions would always be for the woman. What are your rules? What isn2019;t allowed?I would gauge from the woman whether it was her decision 2014; or his. If it was his, I wouldn2019;t agree to see them. The woman had to be the one in charge. If there was even a small glimmer, just a hint, that she was doing this for him, I2019;d be out.No escort would ever want to be in a bedroom with a wife who didn2019;t want to be there. In fact, it goes the other way. The man is almost invisible (much to his relief, as the husbands are always petrified).Another couple that stays in my mind is Barb and Linx from Perth. They came to me when their marriage was at stalemate. They had no idea how to fix it. The love was there but so was the complacency. They had three kids, busy jobs and no sex life.They even admitted divorce was an option. Inviting a third party was a risk.In my years as an escort, I met with them three times over three years. And the last time I saw them, they were like a brand new couple. The spark had come back.They told me they had continued to see escorts together; they would make a night of it. They2019;d tell the kids they were off to date night. Dinner, drinks 2014; and a hotel room. But it wasn2019;t just female escorts, Linx wanted Barb to experience male escorts too.Barb was like a new woman. She had shed her mumsy skin and I could tell she felt confident and sexy. Linx was just happy he had his wife back.If a wife didn’t want to be there, Samantha X would turn the couple away. Picture: Supplied.Source:SuppliedI2019;ve not met one couple where engaging a third party hasn2019;t worked. I would go as far to say it has improved their relationship dramatically.I also understand it is not everyone2019;s cup of tea. I also get it2019;s a risk. So it all comes down to preparation and planning.For the husbands out there 2014; be very careful how to word it to your wife. 201C;I want to do this for you, I would love to see you with another woman,201D; is better than scrolling through a website drooling saying, 201C;I want that one 2026;201D;And wives, you take control. This is your party. You choose the lady, you be the contact, and you are the one to issue the rules and boundaries. If you2019;re not happy, no one is happy.As they say, happy wife, happy sex life.Samantha X is an author, former sex worker, madam and sexpert. Continue the conversation via Twitter @SamanthaX_real | samantha@samanthax.com.autrending in lifestyleMaggie Wilken. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedIt’s the book everyone has been talking about — and chances are, if you haven’t read it someone you know has.Since Three Women was released in July this year it2019;s become a worldwide sensation, with critics praising it as the best nonfiction book since Truman Capote2019;s In Cold Blood was published in 1965.Written by journalist Lisa Taddeo, Three Women is the result of ten years of meticulous work by Taddeo interviewing numerous women across the United States about their sexual lives, with only three consenting to have their stories told in print.Based on years of interviews, court documents, emails and text messages, Three Women tells the very different sex lives of Lina, Sloane and Maggie in addictive, first person accounts.RELATED: Why this magazine stopped asking women about their baby plansRELATED: Relationship Rehab: Should I dump my cheating wife?Lisa Taddeo spent a decade working on Three Women.Source:SuppliedThree Women by Lisa Taddeo.Source:SuppliedLina is a lonely housewife from Indiana who begins an affair with an old high school flame after years of her husband refusing to kiss her on the lips.Across the country is restaurant owner Sloane, who has sex with other men and women at her husband2019;s request, only to find the decision come back to haunt her.Speaking to news.com.au on the phone from New York, Taddeo said she hopes Three Women2019;s raw accounts inspires us to be less judgmental 2014; and kinder 2014; when it comes to relationships.201C;Really for me it2019;s the idea of not judging people that2019;s the main thing. One man who read the book said that the thing that it did for him the most was it let him know that indifference could be wounding,201D; she said.201C;That is what I would hope people to gain. We2019;re all very similar, we shouldn2019;t judge each other. 201C;And that not seeing someone else in the world 2014; we all want to be seen 2014; and not looking back at someone when they are in front of our faces is one of the cruellest things you can do to another person.201D;RELATED: The real reason your wife doesn2019;t want sex anymoreRELATED: Woman travelled three hours to meet Tinder date dumpedMaggie Wilken (right) came forward with her story in 2014. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedMaggie alleged she had a sexual relationship with her teacher Aaron Knodel when she was 17. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedBy far the most compelling 2014; and heartbreaking 2014; story of Three Women, is that of Maggie2019;s, who is the only one interviewed to use her real name.Maggie Wilken was just 17 when she alleges her high school English teacher, Aaron Knodel, began a sexual relationship with her 2014; claims which he denies.At 17 Maggie was below the age of consent, which is 18 in the US state of North Dakota.Wilken alleges Mr Knodel commited numerous sex acts on her while she was still in high school, with plans for them to sleep together on her 18th birthday.Wilken describes the romance 2014; which she claims they likened to Bella and Edward2019;s forbidden love in Twilight 2014; as rocky, ending when he abruptly dumped her on his 30th birthday.In Three Women Maggie describes in heartbreaking detail how her tumultuous relationship with Mr Knodel caused her mental pain for years afterwards, prompting her to come forward at age 22 when he was named North Dakota2019;s teacher of the year 2014.But, as Three Women reveals, there was no fairytale ending for Maggie.During a five-day trial in April 2015, a handwriting expert claimed romantic post-it notes placed in Maggie2019;s copy of Twilight matched Mr Knodel2019;s hand.However, the teacher strenuously denied he had written the notes, with his wife also taking the stand to accuse Maggie of being dishonest about their relationship.Mr Knodel was eventually acquitted of three of five felony counts of corruption or solicitation of a minor. The other two were dismissed after a judge declared a mistrial, the West Fargo Pioneer reported at the time.Aaron Knodel was later acquitted. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedMaggie found her account attacked by Mr Knodel’s supporters. Picture: KVLY11Source:SuppliedComing forward came at a huge personal cost for Maggie, who faced fierce opposition from those in the community who supported Mr Knodel and attempted to discredit her account. After he was acquitted Mr Knodel returned to teaching in schools.But while Maggie may not have achieved a resolution in the legal system, Taddeo says the release of Three Women has healed her.201C;Maggie has been doing the best,201D; Taddeo revealed.201C;She said that the book has given her closure and she has received hundreds of notes from women across the country saying that she2019;s helped them with her story and her honesty has helped them go back in time and deal with their own (trauma).201D;In a touching twist Three Women has even reached one Maggie2019;s idols as a teenager.201C;On top of that (US) soccer star Abby Wambach, who was always Maggie2019;s hero as a young woman, she posted a photo of herself reading the book,201D; Taddeo said.201C;I wrote and said, 2018;you2019;re Maggie2019;s hero,2019; which she was, and she wrote back and said 2018;Maggie2019;s my hero2019;.201C;So that2019;s the kind of (affect) that Maggie has been having which has been a really amazing response.201D;Three Women is available now from all major bookstores trending in lifestyleMismatched sex drives can be a massive issue in relationships. Picture: iStockSource:istock Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au2019;s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred. This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a man who has had sex twice in two years, a woman with an odd pre-sex request and a woman struggling to get in the mood since she put on weight. MY HUSBAND DOESN2019;T WANT SEXQUESTION: I2019;ve been with my partner for nearly three years. He2019;s a great stepdad to my children so I do want to make it work. Initially sex was great and I felt really close and desired by him.We had sex once last year and once this year. Many articles say lack of desire is likely not due to anything I2019;ve done but may be due to his low testosterone. However he2019;s told me more than once in arguments that he can2019;t feel sexually attracted to me because of parts of my personality which are closed off (I know I put a wall up). He2019;s an intelligent man who has said 201C;he can2019;t be led by his d*ck201D;. I need to have sex. I can2019;t be in a relationship without it. We2019;re both in early 50s.ANSWER: I feel sad reading your question because it sounds like neither you nor your partner are getting your needs for intimacy met.You2019;re asking for sex, but it sounds like you want this, at least in part, to feel close and desired by him. By telling you he2019;s struggling to be sexually intimate because he feels there are parts of you that are closed off, he2019;s actually asking for more connection and intimacy with you too.It2019;s fair that you don2019;t want to be in a relationship without sex, for many people it2019;s a very important part of a relationship and a way to feel loved and connected to a partner. It can2019;t however be the only thing that holds a relationship together. We also need love, friendship, good communication and a willingness to resolve conflict.You acknowledge that there2019;s a disconnection due to 201C;putting a wall up201D;. Examine what this 201C;wall201D; really is. My guess is that it2019;s fear and a difficulty being vulnerable. In order to try to protect yourself, you create distance, push away or block the other person. The irony is, these strategies don2019;t protect us from getting hurt, but basically guarantee we get hurt because a relationship can2019;t survive with this going on. You2019;re longing for love and connection with him, but you2019;re pushing it (and him) away at the same time.Sexologist and couples therapist Isiah McKimmie. Picture:Nadia Bokody knows exactly why your wife doesn’t want sex anymore. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:Instagram“Why can’t all women be as horny as you?” If I had a dollar for every time a guy left a comment like that on one of my sex columns, I wouldn2019;t need to be writing this.Of course, I could retire equally as early if I earned the same every time a man responded to one of my articles or social posts calling me a 201C;wh*re201D;.These paradoxical statements explain everything you need to know about the collective male understanding of female sexuality.And that is, quite simply, that they just don2019;t get it.Now, before you start taking to your keyboards and wielding your digital pitchforks, you should know this: I2019;m not here to blame men. If anything, I2019;m here to confirm the fact they2019;ve been given the short end of the stick.RELATED: Nadia Bokody: 2018;The truth about my sex addiction2019;RELATED: The controversial secret behind my phenomenal sex lifeThere's a far more uncomfortable truth behind your wife's vanishing libido, writes Nadia Bokody. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:InstagramSexual education in our country is wildly inadequate. And that2019;s coming from an ex-schoolteacher with a hell of a lot of respect and empathy for what teachers do.While I2019;m sure most of us can recall giggling through the health class as our teacher was forced to say 201C;erection201D; and 201C;ejaculation201D; out loud, I2019;d hazard a guess you don2019;t have a similar memory of a lesson even hinting at female pleasure.That2019;s because, for the girls among your class, sex ed was an exercise in familiarising ourselves with the pain the female body could inflict 2014; from menstruation to pregnancy.Around the same time, we were also learning not to talk about our sexuality out loud.While jokes about wanking and wet dreams proliferated public dialogue around sex, any utterance of the word 201C;vagina201D; or suggestion of a woman enjoying sex was met with embarrassed expressions and hushed words.Part of the problem is that female pleasure is still stigmatised in society, let alone openly discussed during sex ed. Picture: Supplied. Source: Instagram @nadiabokodySource:InstagramNone of us should have been surprised, then, when a study emerged earlier this year suggesting over 70 per cent of women are in pain or discomfort during sex.I2019;ll give you a second to let that sink in. Seventy per cent.Further research additionally confirmed most women couldn2019;t even correctly label their own genital anatomy.In fact, the majority of women are so detached from, and ashamed of, our sexuality that by the time we2019;ve hit adulthood, we naturally assume when we stop wanting sex, it2019;s a sign there2019;s something pathologically wrong with us. That we need to make a beeline for the nearest doctor2019;s clinic and start trawling Google for pharmaceutical solutions.It2019;s around this time in people2019;s relationships, I start to get the emails from men. They2019;re all some variation of the following:201C;My wife has lost her libido. How can we get it back?201D;This question misses the point entirely: Female sexuality is far more complex than something that can be 201C;lost201D;, like an unattended shopping basket at a Zara sale.At the heart of this issue is the flawed idea that women simply aren2019;t very sexual to begin with. That really, we only have sex to secure monogamy. So naturally, once the paperwork is signed, we2019;re done.Be a fly on the wall a few chardonnays into any girls2019; night and you2019;re guaranteed to discover that2019;s simply not the case. When women are alone and the boundaries are loosened, we readily share sex stories with similar fervour to any group of men.Vibrators continue to be one of the top-selling online products for women, and lingerie brands aren2019;t having any trouble getting us to part with our credit cards in exchange for faux leather teddies and lace G-strings.There is not some strange global phenomenon occurring, whereby these same, sexually healthy women2019;s libidos are all simultaneously vanishing into thin air a few years into marriage. If it were the case, the percentage of married women having sexual affairs wouldn2019;t be skyrocketing.The reason your wife isn2019;t having sex with you, is a far more uncomfortable truth: she2019;s bored.Research shows women 2014; far more than men 2014; crave novelty in relationships.It2019;s why we love date nights so much, and devoured the Fifty Shades Of Grey books, despite the terrible writing. Newness, mystery and spontaneity are key factors in the process of female arousal.Unfortunately, we don2019;t learn this in school 2014; or anywhere, for that matter. Men are essentially left to scrap together what knowledge they can from the pages of RedTube, where the orgasms are instantaneous and the women never require foreplay.Pair that with a lifetime of telling women their bodies are sources of pain and shame, and you have a recipe for a sex-starved relationship. Or 2014; at best 2014; sex that2019;s painfully unsatisfying.I2019;m aware you might have gotten to this point in the story feeling rather depressed and hopeless about it all. But take heed, this problem isn2019;t incurable.In fact, it2019;s easily solvable if you2019;re ready for a perspective shift.Here it is: 201C;Horny201D; women like myself aren2019;t the exception 2014; we2019;re the norm. Most women simply won2019;t own up to the fact they crave sex for fear of slut-shaming, which brings me to my second point: Women who actively seek out sex aren2019;t wh*res. And calling us so is only perpetuating the culture of female sexual oppression stopping you 2014; yes, you, the guy reading this 2014; from getting laid.Finally, you might be surprised at what a few surprise date nights, trying something new together and asking her what she likes in bed will do for her 201C;lost201D; libido.You might even discover that, actually, it was never lost to begin with. You just needed to know where to look.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer. Continue the conversation on Instagram | @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyle

Unicorns are the new attendees at swingers parties. Picture: iStockSource:istockAccording to fairy tales, unicorns are mythical creatures that everybody has heard of, but nobody has seen. In the swinging scene, unicorns are solo females who go to sex parties and swingers2019; clubs on their own. They arrive alone, they leave alone and just like their mythical counterparts, their scarcity makes them highly sought after.For more stories like this, go to whimn.com.auUnicorns admit that even people in the swinging community are surprised when a single female arrives by herself at a sex party.Lucy* is a mid-30s professional, who was married for 10 years.201C;I always wanted to explore things like swinging and pegging when I was married, but my husband wasn2019;t keen. When I got divorced, I met a guy on a dating site who was into the swinging community. He took me to a party and straight away I realised, these are my people, this is what I had been looking for, it was fantastic, I was hooked.201D;RELATED: The unglamorous reality of orgiesRELATED: 2018;I went to my first orgy and I loved it2019;Would you ever go to a swingers party as a single? Picture: iStockSource:istockRELATED: 2018;I2019;ve been polyamorous for nearly a decade 2014; here2019;s how I make it work2019;Lucy admits that her first sex party started just like any other party.201C;There were about 12 couples in a serviced apartment, there was Jatz and cheese and dips. People were standing around making small talk and having drinks, then after about half an hour, a couple of the girls yelled out 2018;let2019;s get started2019;. So a few couples moved to a bedroom and started getting it on with each other, then some more people joined in. By the end of the night, everyone was naked and having sex with each other201D;Since then Lucy has been a proud unicorn, going to sex clubs by herself or being the third wheel in threesomes. 201C;It2019;s just more exciting by yourself, you don2019;t have to worry about what your partner2019;s doing if they2019;re happy or being taken care of. It2019;s great to be able to pick and choose who I play with and who plays with me. Being a unicorn I always make sure I play with the hottest couple201D;.201C;A lot of people comment that it must be really empowering walking into a room where everybody wants you, buts its actually the other way around, I do it because I am empowered. It2019;s something that I enjoy doing and I have enough confidence and I2019;m comfortable enough to be able to put myself out there201D; Lucy added.Samantha Jones would absolutely be a unicorn. Picture: SuppliedSource:SuppliedLouise* also considers herself a unicorn even though she is still married. 201C;About ten years ago, I found myself alone as a single mum with two young children as my partner travelled overseas for work nine months of the year. My sex life was restricted to watching porn and using a vibrator when the children slept. I didn2019;t want to get into the complexities of having an affair, but I missed the adult company. My partner suggested I go to a sex club as we both agreed it was safer emotionally and physically.201D;RELATED: Diary of a young married swingerRELATED: Meet the swingers teaching us how to have better sexRELATED: 2018;I broke the one rule of being a swinger2019;It2019;s not just guys that Louise is attracted to when she goes out alone 201C;I am polysexual, so I am attracted to people rather than a specific sex. If I am playing with a couple, it doesn2019;t matter how nice he is, I have to connect with her as well. If I2019;m playing with a single guy, then he can2019;t take himself too seriously, make me laugh and make me feel like I2019;m the only woman in the room, and you2019;re halfway there. Sometimes for fun, I will see a couple playing together and if I catch her eye and I can see she is interested, I will just walk up and start kissing her. His reaction is usually jaw-dropping, especially if they are new to the scene.201D;Even though Louise loves being a unicorn, she doesn2019;t always fly solo. 201C;I have more interaction as a solo. As soon as couples and other singles notice I2019;m solo they come and say hi, but I don2019;t feel any pressure from the people I meet as I2019;m 100% in control. I also meet some awesome people and make great friends. Occasionally my husband will come along if I ask him. He loves the cuckold experience, so he is more likely to say yes if the event is not for couples only.201D;Louise admits that going to sex parties alone could be dangerous. 201C;I am very cautious. I arrive early and leave early. I don2019;t drink and I avoid people who drink excessively. I choose open playrooms unless I am with people I know. If someone is bothering me, I tell the staff. On the odd occasion, I2019;ve asked the staff to walk me to my car. The challenge for unicorns is a man being intoxicated and not understanding the word 2018;no,2019; and I find that it2019; most likely to happen after midnight, which is why I leave early.201D;Hallmark of any good swingers party. Picture: iStockSource:istockSo would Louise ever go back to a vanilla relationship? 201C;Yes, absolutely, I enjoy the community and I love being a unicorn with the full support of my partner. Without that support and encouragement, the magic wouldn2019;t exist and would likely be replaced by jealousy and there would be nothing sexy about that.201D;RELATED: 2018;What really happens at a polysex party2019;RELATED: Inside LA2019;s most exclusive sex partyRELATED: What really goes on at NY2019;s most exclusive sex party201C;The swinging community has taught me many things; Firstly confidence 2014; the perfect body doesn2019;t exist outside of magazines, so except mine, as it is, take it or leave it. Unicorns are unique within the community and I2019;ve enjoyed the confidence that has brought me. Secondly, never to expect others to know what I want or what I am into. I tell them what I want, how to do it and what I don2019;t want. I find they really appreciate this inside track and that way I avoid bad sex. Here2019;s an example 2014; my breasts are very sensitive. Treat them with care and I will get really turned on, start squeezing, prodding or chewing and I am going to want to flatten you and not have sex with you.201D;When Louise tells people she is a Unicorn, it usually comes with a lot of misconceptions and judgment, 201C;People think we are sex maniacs or predatory female marriage wrecker. Sure, we like good sex, but we love the interaction and friends we make as well.201D;2014; Phil Brandel is a freelance writer and contributor 2014; This story originally appeared on whimn.com.au and is reproduced with permissiontrending in lifestyleNadia Bokody's shocking sex confessionSource:InstagramOPINIONThis time last year, I sat on a couch opposite Larry Emdur and Kylie Gillies, and lied, on national TV.The lie spread like wildfire.Pretty soon, I was appearing on prime time radio and in headlines in just about every major online media outlet. Suddenly, after years of trying to get my foot in the door as a journalist, everyone wanted to hear what I had to say.Unfortunately, what I had to say was something I knew in my gut to be deeply problematic. But as the opportunities kept coming, so too, did the pressure to stick to my story.That story, was that I had a sex addiction.RELATED: X-rated confession makes woman famousRELATED: Why I let my boyfriend watch porn RELATED: Controversial secret to my great sex life A few months prior, I2019;d sought the advice of a hipster life coach, who2019;d pompously remarked, 201C;you clearly have a sex addiction, my dear,201D; after I2019;d confessed to a casual sex binge in the aftermath of my marriage breakdown.We went on to talk about other things in the session, as I cried into the sleeve of my shirt, but I couldn2019;t get his comment out of my head.Walking home from his office that afternoon, I anxiously Googled 2018;sex addiction2019;. The lists of 2018;symptoms2019; my search results uncovered hit home.Frequent sexual thoughts and fantasies. Check.Having sex with multiple partners, including strangers. Check.Feeling remorse or guilt after sex. Check.Was my life coach2019;s quasi-diagnosis the answer I2019;d been looking for?It certainly seemed to fit. What else could so succinctly explain away the shame and dirtiness I2019;d felt surrounding sex my whole life?Back at home, I went straight to my laptop and started to write, purging all my sexual sins into a column, before submitting it to my editor.A week later, I woke to an inbox of producers barely able to contain their elation at discovering my tale of shame. I agreed to share my story, convinced it would help others.The 201C;female sex addict201D;, they introduced me as, 201C;come marvel at how strange and sinful she is201D;, was the subtext in the opening monologues.Suddenly I was a modern-day human freak show. Not only was I a woman who actively enjoyed sex (how titillating!), I was 201C;addicted201D; to it (how bizarre!).I felt the reality of it all sucker punch me during my live television interview. It sat heavy in my gut, like an undigested piece of fat. But the cameras were rolling, and the hosts were already looking back at me expectantly. I2019;d become a part of the machine of fast news for views. Nadia Bokody was hooked on intimacy with multiple men after her divorce, with at least six different guys on call all...Posted by The Morning Show onTuesday, 17 April 2018A few interviews later, I quietly stopped sharing my story. 201C;No thank you,201D; I responded to the eager invitations.201C;I2019;m no longer discussing this topic,201D; I told them.Meanwhile, I2019;d begun speaking to women from all over the world about their sex lives. My TV appearance had rendered me an unwitting confessional for female sexual guilt.There was a clear pattern in their stories, too 2014; namely, enjoyment of sex, followed by shame and self-pathologising. Was it possible all these women were also sex addicts? Or, was there another answer for the guilt we were collectively feeling?According to the most recognised resource in the psychiatric community, the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it2019;s not the former. The DSM-5 doesn2019;t even include a category for diagnosing sex addiction.In fact, once I started looking, I couldn2019;t find any medical journals or respected authorities who recognised sex addiction. The International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems and AASECT (the governing body for sex therapists and educators) both, too, reject the concept.201C;I have worked clinically with many patients who spent years in sex addiction treatment (along with far too much money), and our work becomes about deprogramming all the sex shame that was instilled in them,201D; psychotherapist, sex therapist and activist, Dr. Chris Donaghue wrote in a blog post, Is sex addiction just an excuse for bad behaviour?And herein lies the problem.The addiction industry is worth an estimated billion a year, with so-called sexual disorders raking in a significant portion of the kitty.In short, diseasing human sexuality is big business. Not to mention, well-rating entertainment.Few would deny, we2019;re living in the most hypersexual time in history. It2019;s hard to scroll social media, consume an ad or piece of content, without being exposed to sexual messaging. And yet, sewn into that messaging, is the confusing directive that women should be sexually objectified, but never actively pursue or enjoy sex.Just try finding a TV comedy in which there isn2019;t an episode involving the hapless husband begging his prudish wife for sex to a laughter track. The implication is clear: men enjoy sex, and women don2019;t. Those of us who fall outside of that definition are broken.This is all not to mention the deeply troubling idea that sex should be regulated 2014; that there2019;s a 201C;correct201D; amount, and an 201C;excessive201D; amount to be had. Policing human sexuality has never proven to be an effective strategy; just ask the LGBTQIA+ community.It2019;s not anyone else2019;s place to determine how my sex life 2014; or yours 2014; should look. Namely because of how intrinsically individual sex is; one person2019;s idea of 201C;obsessive201D; is another2019;s 201C;moderate201D;. Who are any of us to judge?All I know to be true today, is this. I am not a sex addict. I no longer prescribe to the ideology of sex addiction, and I regret my role in contributing to it.If that makes me less entertaining, then so be it.I2019;d rather have hot, guilt-free sex than 15 minutes of fame.Nadia Bokody is a freelance writer and Instagram influencer. Continue the conversation on Instagram | @nadiabokodytrending in lifestyle

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